I must confess I have been afraid of this. Writing I mean. I’ve been promising myself 15 minutes of writing for the past…3 weeks or so but have (strangely) always found something else to spend my time on. Thankfully, that streak now appears broken. I am embarrassed that the last time this sheet was opened was the 2nd of November 2021 but that seems to be the nature of writing: it comes in phases. I must admit that habit plays a large role in how much and how frequently I write. The jury service phase was…disruptive (to say the least) and scuppered all of my habits. The thing about jury service is that whilst you are often sat around doing very little, it never feels appropriate to “do something”. You are in a state of constant mild-alertness i.e. at any time you need to drop what you’re doing. This environment does not lend itself to writing or so-called “deep work”...I am, however, making excuses for myself. The truth is that I was too weak and too sad to produce anything. Too weak and too sad to do anything other than the required few hours at court. Too weak and too sad to function as a “proper” human being. It took a while for me to stop feeling guilty or negatively about my condition but the truth was/is that I was incredibly ill, both mentally and physically. Thankfully, that seems (mostly) behind me now. There is still some infection oddness going on in my feet but I think once that’s dealt with we should be good to go! This is, of course, an exciting time. January. The new year. A fresh start. A great reset. I am once again “bad” at climbing. My weak, frail (tongue in cheek) body needs training to be in the same physical condition it was before everything started going down-hill. I suppose 12 weeks of poor diet and no exercise will do that to a man. I didn’t get too fat but the gravity feels much higher than it once was. My confidence in my body (and how it feels on the wall) has also taken a hit but this is to be expected after a prolonged absence. My skin is recovering nicely. It has been an odd few months of incredibly dry flaky skin and leaving pools of myself wherever I go. I’ve been trying not to feel incredibly embarrassed by the whole thing but it’s impossible not to feel a slight sense of imposition on everyone around me. “Hey, I’m just gonna leave this dead skin here, thanks”. So gross. Again, this appears to be letting up and slowing down so I should be dry skin free by this time next week (fingers crossed). #creativity #sadness