First things first, I want to apologise to the woman and man on the 17:37 train from St. Pancras to Margate who were offended by the conversation had by myself and my partner. Sorry it made you feel uncomfortable. Both my partner and I have been struggling with our emotions following the event. What I'm going to walk you through are: - The talking points - The reaction - What lessons can/should be learned from this *Oof* let's get into it, shall we? # The Talking Points When the offended parties made their feelings known, they shared (when asked) nothing about what it was that offended them about the conversation my partner and I were having. My partner is white, I am mixed-race (but, and as much as I hate the term, "white passing") the offended parties were black. My main point was this: framing the discourse about race as a "white vs black" issue, whilst maybe a useful critical lens for looking at racism in the US, it's too reductive for the UK. My reasoning: ## "White" isn't a homogeneous group Seeing "white" as a homogeneous group is...uncomfortable. Considering some of the major racist issues of the UK in the 20th century have been against Irish and Eastern Europeans (classically considered "white"), to remove that aspect of the discourse strikes me as odd. The biggest issue that we're looking to solve is surely "unwarranted prejudice," no? Is it fair or just to remove and ignore the lived experience of non-black victims when discussing racism? Does it not alienate and push potential allies away when we diminish or implicitly tell them "yes, but the racism you faced *isn't* as bad"? ## Being "Black" in the UK vs the US My main point was inspired by a conversation at a conference I had with a 3rd-generation British-born Jamaican woman, a Chinese-Filipino woman who emigrated from the US when she was 10, and a Hungarian woman. My Jamaican friend was talking about how being "African-American" was the only cultural touchstone black people in the US had as their cultural heritage was ripped away by slavery. In the UK, my black friends all seem to have a good understanding of where their families are from. They all have a cultural identity that goes beyond "black". Is it not racist to consider them all the same? To also strip them of their unique cultural heritages? To reduce them to a skin colour? ## Why this matters My biggest frustration with the race discourse in the UK is that it feels like the US influence is ruining our ability to properly engage with solving racism in the UK. There is too much that can no longer be said, too many taboos, too much division. To become more unified, we need to separate the issue into two aspects: - The Cultural - The Personal It becomes much harder to hold prejudices when you have experienced a culture...well, that's not strictly true but that's a discussion for another time. When you experience another culture, from food, to what's celebrated, to how other people live, you gain perspective. You learn that other peoples are fundamentally the same, our cultures are just different shades of humanity. Framing things as "white" and "black" dehumanises everyone. It's nonsensical, think about the things I listed as part of other people's culture. Now imagine how the respective people's of France and Germany would feel if you reduced either's cuisine to "white people food". Now do the same for Ethiopian and Jamaican. Part of the problem of racism is about embracing and celebrating everyone's culture. On the personal side of things, well, that's a little harder. It requires everyone involved to engage and say "help me understand what it's like to be you". Which is difficult. It's much easier to create "in" and "out" groups. To create an "enemy" to fight. When we frame the problem as "white" and "black," it makes everything much simpler. It allows us to channel all our anger and frustration toward something solid and tangible. It allows us to feel like we're getting somewhere and doing something. It allows us to be heroes. But I fear all it does is create division. ## The Reaction This all came to a head when I noticed the black man staring at me: "Are you looking at me?" "Are you looking at *me*?" "Are you okay?" "No, it's a bad day" "Would you like to share?" "No" And then the woman said: "You guys are wild" We reached our stop. I wanted to understand what the issue was, so I asked the woman: "What was wild about us?" "You guys were saying some controversial stuff" And then she walked off. **...and the rest** Part of me is concerned that I'm taking this too personally. I often feel unincluded in *any* discourse around DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) as I have a niche mix (British, Malay, Guyanese). I want to engage with the conversation, I want to learn about my heritage, I want to solve the problem of racism with the hope that future generations don't face the same level of racism I experienced. My identity feels consumed by the checkbox "White Mixed". White enough for it to not matter where I came from. White enough to be gifted colonial guilt. White enough for my voice to not matter. Back to the conversation I had at the conference and with other mixed-race people in my life; there is a sense that you will always be part of an "out" group. Never truly accepted by any culture, not enough of anything for it to be your "true" identity. There is, of course, the guilt and sadness that I feel about making people feel somehow less. The intention of the conversation I had with my partner was to unpack thoughts and feelings about how we talk about and understand race in the UK. Without knowing what offended our companions it's impossible to know why they felt the way they did. I feel that it was either a miscommunication on what we were talking about or perhaps simple ignorance on our end. I may never know. # What lessons can/should be learned from this Having asked my friends about this, the main refrain is: "don't talk about controversial subjects in public spaces". Whilst I agree that there's a time and a place for everything, societal issues *will not* be solved unless we hear viewpoints outside of our respective bubbles. Media *already* pigeon-holes us into set demographics, reenforcing our beliefs and ideals, radicalising us and limiting our perspective. One of the pieces of government propaganda that inspired me is the one about how you should call out misogyny when you see it. If someone is saying something that you disagree with, you *should* say something. If bad behaviour *isn't* called out then it will continue and get worse. You being quietly offended serves nobody. You tutting and then telling your friends "this awful thing happened" when you had the opportunity to do something is surely just virtue signalling. You being passive in society and *not* engaging with other viewpoints makes everyone worse off. Hopefully this quote isn't too on the nose: > *"I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other*." - Dr Martin Luthor King JR Confronting prejudices is hard, and even harder when they're our own. If we don't communicate with each other, the problem is only going to get worse. **Further Reading:** - Diane Abbot's "[Racism is Black and White](https://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/commentisfree/2023/apr/23/success-for-women-not-same-as-for-men-letters)" Letter to the Observer (she later apologised for her comments) - Tomiwa Owolade's [Racism in Britain is not a black and white issue. It’s far more complicated](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/apr/15/racism-in-britain-is-not-a-black-and-white-issue-it-is-far-more-complicated) - [The Loneliness of Being Mixed Race in America](https://www.vox.com/first-person/21734156/kamala-harris-mixed-race-biracial-multiracial) 22/04[[2024]] #identity #race #modernculture